It helps to understand the differences in our brains!
Men have about 6 times more gray matter than women. This is the brain’s processing center. Women have about 10 times more white matter than men. Women’s brains are more complicated in how they are structured. and this network causes them to think faster than men. Women make connections between different parts of their brain more easily because of this white matter.
Emotions are less enjoyable for men because they tend to be a bit confusing. They are not sure what to do with them. That’s why men choose movies with more action than emotion. It’s easier for men to use all that gray matter to solve a problem and action movies allow them to do that. Women will choose dramas and movies that explain relationships. A woman’s brain can remember details of an emotional event better than men. She can recall details of an event 5 years ago, who was involved, what people wore, what they ate, conversations, and even emotions she felt then. A man is lucky if he remembers the event at all.
Men think with one part of their brain at a time. They can focus on something with the exclusion of everything else. Women’s brains work where whatever they are thinking about, is connected to everything else in their brains. When men sense danger, they tend to act, think, then feel. Women feel, think, then act. Men think present tense. Women think past, present, future at the same time. Men go into fight or flight mode because of their gray matter focusing more on something specific and not connecting past events, future implications, and emotions. Women connect all of this, therefore they can’t just fight or just flee. They explain, discuss, analyze. So, men seem cruel to women. Fight or flight seems cruel because it leaves out all that has been felt or dreamed of. It focuses on one thing instead of the overall picture. Women seem crazy to men. Why would she bring all that up? Why does she turn on the waterworks? Why does she say so much? Expect so much? Feel so deeply? Crazy. Men don’t mean to be cruel and women aren’t crazy. Their brains cause these thoughts and reactions.
Seeking understanding of your loved one, and applying that when seeking to understand their thoughts, words, actions, feelings, reactions, fears, etc., is key in a healthy relationship.
Paraphrased, Mike Bechtle, I Wish He Had Cone with Instructions
- So, what do we do? We are different. These differences can wreck us. These differences can seek to understand one another. Ask instead of assume. Listen instead of talk. Talk in person where you can see the person’s expressions and hear their tones. With these differences in place, boy can communication in writing be a disaster. Hug or hold instead of run. Know these differences, work within them. Offer the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and Self-control. These are attributes of Christ. As a Christian having the Holy Spirit indwelling, we can offer all of these to our loved one, even if it’s against your brain function. We are able to continually grow and become more like Christ. Pray as you enter conversations that you will imitate Christ. What would He do? Do that. And win every time because you did the right thing even if the other person doesn’t. You may have peace if you are loving your neighbor as you love God and yourself.