Anyone who has known me since the tornado on January 23, 2012, knows the movement and sensations of everything crumbling on us transferred to driving anxiety. For many years I would take the kids to Atlanta, Orlando, the beach etc as the only driver and without a second thought. All of the sudden one night on I20 I realized I couldn’t drive on the interstate any longer. I could barely stand to ride in the car with anyone and bridges were the worst. I didn’t stop going places and learned every back country road in the South to get places, but I was certainly having post traumatic stress from the tornado. My faith was strong during the storm and Jesus was very present during it, but I was left with scars. I accepted this as the new me for a long time and knew I may not ever conquer this anxiety. I was so thankful for the beautiful miracles from the storm that it seemed a fair trade and I understood trauma changes people sometimes for the better, the worse, or even for both. I allowed myself time. I allowed the cocoon to engulf me, and I rested in it at times and struggled at others. Sue Monk Kidd talks about these transformations we go through and says “Such a transformation comes slowly, but it comes. Especially if we stay in touch with our center – that deep place in us where God and the soul are eternally at play.” This weekend I drove to the beach on the interstate and across bridges without anxiety. My first out of town drive in 4 years. It came slowly. It took a lot of prayer, patience and time. The transformation came slowly but it came. It also took help in various forms but that’s ok. We all have times where we need to allow ourselves to be brave enough to say, I need help. Don’t be afraid to change, admit fears, or raise your hand and ask for help. It’s never a weakness to need help, to need to transform, or to need time in the cocoon.

kimdcrawford 9.18.16