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Birthday 46 – Wow Now 47

 

I wrote the following upon birthday 46. I have added my thoughts now at 47. So much in 1 short year. Every second certainly counts and creates a memory, sometimes precious and sometimes tragic, but every moment has meaning. The hope is that in these meaningful moments we grow to help create more precious moments than tragic…for ourselves and for others.

Upon birthday 46, I realize many things. This year, I feel more of what it means to be older than to have a celebration. Yet I will celebrate more and more. Now at 47, and still I love to celebrate and have found new ways to do this. To be celebrated by another is always life giving and I have realized, enjoyed, and cherished this from many.

I achieved my career goal recently and feel accomplished  and fulfilled but grieve the journey is over. Yet I know I will now set another goal. Now at 47, I have achieved another goal. I completed my certification in Yoga Laughter Therapy this year.

I miss my grandmother singing happy birthday and our shared giggle over an inside joke we shared. Yet I have his little curly top granddaughter that now sings to me and we are beginning to have our own little jokes and understandings. At 47, I miss her this year even more. The way she would say “We love you” even after Papa died because they were one. And yes, this curly top granddaughter does continue to pour out love and joy to me. Last night she said, “I’m your granddaughter baby.” What she doesn’t know yet is that she always will be that baby to my heart. She loves me unconditionally. 

I realize staying home is fine with me because I just don’t like traveling in any form any more. Yet I will still go to wonderful places. AT 47 I look back and I managed to drive to the beach and back which is something I couldn’t do last year. I traveled to Orlando, Panama City, and Chattanooga, all incredible memories.

I realize I can love an animal as much as a person and she loves me more than most people. This baby continues to bless me. I even babysat my grandpig, 90 pound granddog, and friend’s dog this year. Oh and fostered another dog. Who in the world would have ever thought I would do that?! What a change!

I realize FB is not the most personal form of communication, yet I have memories of each and every person that sent me wishes…all of them. FB was the venue of which I reconnected with my first boyfriend this year and to our surprise there was a spark still burning after 33 years.

I realize I’m fine with cleaning up my closet on my birthday. This year I wanted more than cleaning out my closet. My kids suggested bowling with family and friends. They are always so thoughtful and make sure I’m thought of and loved.

I don’t feel as guilty for eating a Reese Cup Blizzard as I have in the past. This decision not to feel guilty over high calorie food helped me gain 20 pounds. I feel more guilty than ever. My resolution for my 47th year is certainly to get back in those clothes!

I realize how much I miss Penny, children’s ministry, and some dear people. And I did get back into Children’s Ministry. I volunteered at my new church, and they said we need help with 3 year olds. How perfect since my granddaughter is 3 and she was able to join my class. What a blessing to teach her about Jesus. And yes, Penny is back for Parable Pals on Wednesdays. Welcome back Penny!

I worry more about the success and joy of my kids than of myself. Oh yes, and how successful they have been. Makenzi about to finish her 2nd degree and become an RN. She also worked hard and made a little name for herself at St. Vincent’s. Kolby continues to excel in his position. Both loving God and demonstrating their faithfulness to learn and grow. Both loving their spouses and giving their hearts to making those relationships work and last.

I realize that some people are not going to attempt to understand because for them it is about their judgement rather than the truth. I realize some people are going to always attempt to understand because they truly love. And yes, this continues.

I realize life is short so it’s good to realize a few things before it’s too late. This year has been short. I want to continue to realize and to know. To grow. Open the eyes of my heart Lord. I realize I need You more than ever. I need discernment. Wisdom. Comfort. Open the eyes of my heart Lord. Let me follow your path. Let me rest in the step I’m on while knowing the past is gone as you offer forgiveness. The future is Yours and You go before me and prepare what is next. I am only on this step. Help me Lord, to be the best person You would have me to be. In Your Will. Offering peace to others. At peace. 

I realize that I have so much more to realize. Amen.

kim crawford 10*21*16 birthday 47

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