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Love Challenge Day 11 – Love Seeks Resolution

Love is not a feeling.
Love is a choice.
Love doesn’t end because you are angry.
Love should remain through all emotions.
Love is proven during the conflicts, not when it’s easy.
Refusing to seek resolution can confuse your heart, damage your relationship, hinder growth, stifle intimacy…
Seek peace. Go.
Why is it that when we date we say, what can I do for this person, yet when we marry we say, what is this person not doing for me?
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Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger..Ephesians 4:26

Run to them, fall into their arms…embrace…talk in whispers – unless it is to scream how much you love them, reach out and hold their hand, look them in the eyes…these moments are the ones that count….run to them. How much greater this gift of love is, than your petty annoyances.

 

What can you do to initiate peace? Seek to understand, not to be understood, and your anger might dissolve long before the sun sets. For those who refuse to seek peace with your loved one, then examine your heart and motives.

If you are in conflict with that special person, run. Go. Find them. Don’t waste a second. Ask forgiveness. Forgive. Kiss. Embrace. Make it right!!! Go!

Don’t wait until it is too late.

It is better to say whoa than uh-oh. Don’t let your anger damage the relationship until you are saying, uh-oh, what have I done? I’ve lost them. Say whoa on your anger, rather than uh-oh I lost this person I love.

Go.

Kim Crawford

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Love Challenge Day 10 – Romance

Picnic under the stars

Drive somewhere new in the car

A little slow dance adds a little spark

Ride the carousel in the park

Go out and dress up so she’ll feel like a queen

I bet she just might think you’re really keen

One flower says I love you as much as bunch

Surprise your sweetie with an unexpected lunch

Write a love note requesting a date

Watch a movie and cuddle until it’s late

Tell her how you feel, even if it’s not easy

I bet you just might, in return get a squeezy

Make a memory that will last forever and longer

There is no way this won’t make you stronger

Play some music and sing along

Put forth some effort…you won’t go wrong.

Have fun!

kim crawford

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Love Challenge Day 9 – Love Greets with Love – Power in this one – don’t miss it!

 

 

“Did you know that you can tell a lot about the current status of a couple’s marriage (relationship) by the way they greet one another? You can see it in her smile, hear it in his voice, and sense it in the tenderness of their touch. Or lack thereof” (Love Dare, Kendricks, p. 41)

That says it all I think.

The Kendricks explain the loving investment to your relationship when you greet warmly:

“Throughout history, the Jewish people demonstrated an understanding of the power of an effective greeting. Used more than two hundred times in the Bible, the word shalom (meaning peace or tranquility) was a word intentionally employed to greet others. In the story of the prodigal son we learn ‘While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.’ (Luke 15:20). What kind of greeting would cause your mate to feel like that? Countless widows and widowers could tell us with tears in their eyes what it would mean for them to have one more chance to greet, kiss, and hold their spouses again. Since we each have no guarantee of tomorrow, every new day with our spouse is a gift from God for us to cherish and enjoy.”

“Think about your greeting. Do you use it well? Does your partner feel appreciated? Do they feel loved? Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and help turn things around by the way you bless them when you greet them. Remember, love is a choice.”

It is a wonderful thing for someone to express they have thought about you, miss you and are excited to see you. It speaks love. It builds trust.

Challenge:

Decide ahead of time a way your partner would love to be greeted. Try it and see what happens. Continue it and I think it will strengthen your relationship.

It is an amazing feeling to feel wanted by the person you want, and that no matter how long you have been together, you love when they are in your presence once more.

Kim Crawford

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Love Challenge Day 8 – Love loves deeply and knows the meaning of loving deeply…

1 Peter4:8 Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others,faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts, and quality time are Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages [http://www.5lovelanguages.com/]. He has narrowed our needs down to these 5 categories and teaches that one must know their partner’s greatest need in order to love them in the way they will perceive as loving. Basically, if someone does not like gifts and you buy them all the time as an act of love, then you may as well be speaking a foreign language. Some people do not need physical touch (affection). Some people would rather you take out the garbage rather than say loving things, etc. I agree that we all have greater needs in some categories than others (and some may not need anything from one of these categories), but I think most of us love them all to some degree. My opinion is this – if you are serving your loved one, loving them like Christ loves you, loving them with that 1 Corinthians 13 love, you will demonstrate all 5 love languages.

I think 1 Peter 4 speaks to loving through affection, words, actions, gifts, and time. If you are offering someone some of all of this on a consistent basis, then I would qualify that as loving “each other deeply”. The text states this type of love will “cover over a multitude of sins.” It is so true that we can overlook many frustrations when someone is giving to us in a deeply loving manner. The text goes on to say we should “serve others…speak the very words of God…serve with the strength of God” meaning spending time with your loved one, offering to help with things that need to be done (willingly and without complaint), offering words of love and adoration (at least 1x daily), giving thoughtful gifts (not expensive – thoughtful), and offering the physical touch they need in order to feel loved (and yes men, this one is greater for women – we love to hold your hand, snuggle, your arm around us, hugs, etc…most of us, anyway.)

The challenge today is to go to the link above and take the love language test, and ask your partner to take it also. Discuss the results. Get to know their true needs and meet those first. Make sure you are giving in all 5 categories though, and I truly believe you will see amazing things happen in your relationship.

Can you give all of the love languages in 1 day? I think you can 🙂

It all comes down to this: Love is not just being with. It is also giving to, doing for, speaking up, and reaching out. Just showing up is not enough. Love is a choice. You chose this person. Love is a promise. Love is a verb. Love has to love daily and deeply. It isn’t a hobby, a habit, or only there for when you need it or to fulfill certain needs. Love is a ministry. When you take someone’s heart in your hands, you are taking the greatest responsibility on this planet. When you have your children, they are yours. A part of you. When you take on a romantic love, you choose that person, therefore you are saying I choose you – and choose to understand how very amazing that privilege is to me. Love looks at a partner as a gift. A treasure. Do you find out how to take care of the things on earth you treasure? If someone gave you a football signed by your favorite team during a championship game, would you play with it out in the mud and leave it outside to ruin? If someone gave you a diamond ring that belonged to a queen, would you leave it by the sink, just to fall down the drain? No. You choose to take care of things you value as rare and precious treasures. The heart you hold in your hand is a greater treasure than all earthly things. Choose to figure out how to love them…every day.

Love me tender
Love me sweet
Never let me go
You have made my life complete
And I love you so

Love me tender
Love me true
All my dreams fulfilled
For my darling I love you
And I always will

Love me tender
Love me long
Take me to your heart
For it’s there that I belong
And we’ll never part

Love me tender
Love me true
All my dreams fulfilled
For my darling I love you
And I always will

Love me tender
Love me dear
Tell me you are mine
I’ll be yours through all the years
Till the end of time

Love me tender
Love me true
All my dreams fulfilled
For my darling I love you
And I always will

Kim Crawford

2.9.18 revised

07.13.14

 

 

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Love Challenge Day 7 – Love Believes All Things, Hopes All Things

Love believes all things, hopes all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

Sam Cooke help us out with this one please:

“Accentuate The Positive”
You’ve got to accentuate the positive
eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
But don’t mess with mister inbetween

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
have faith, a pandemonium
Libel to walk up on the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the Whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
just when everything looked so dark

They said we better
accentuate the positive
eliminate the negative
latch on to the affirmative
But don’t mess with mister inbetween

[One more Time]

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
just when everything looked so dark
don’t mess, don’t mess, don’t mess
with mister inbetween

The Kendricks brothers from the Love Dare:
“In the deep private corridors of your heart, there is a room. It’s called the Appreciation Room. It’s where your thoughts go when you encounter positive encouraging things about your spouse. Down another dark corridor of your heart lies the Depreciation Room, and sadly you visit there as well. Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. People fall out of love here. Divorces are plotted and caused in this room. We have all sinned. Love knows about the Depreciation room but chooses not to live there. Your spouses true faults may be there. You may place negative comments about them there that are not true at all. Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. Only glance in the door of the Depreciation room to pray for your spouse. The only reason you should go in this room is to write COVERED IN LOVE in huge letters across the walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized.”
Telling your spouse negative things will cause them to think you don’t really love them. We all want to believe our spouse (more than anyone else) thinks we hung the moon.
Go to your loved one and say, I realize I __________, and I am sorry. I want to do better. You can know I will _______________. Talk about giving someone hope. Knowing you are thinking about them, wanting to grow, and voicing the acknowledgment of what you’ve done and what you are going to do – wow – they will love it.
Here’s a great tip:
If you’re angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug — which is all the more reason to do so. It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that’s precisely what happens when we hug each other. ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997Challenge:
Make a list of positives on the other. Put them away in a safe place for another day. Thank them and tell them about 1 of the positives today.
Which list was more difficult?
“If there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
We are right before, the weekend before Valentine’s Day, Have you made your reservation? Planned your romantic date? Men, this is on you. This holiday is for women. Make sure she knows she is your sweetheart because if you don’t someone else might.
Kim Crawford
Revised 2.7.18
07.06.14
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Love Challenge Day 6 – Most important day yet! This is good stuff. Take the time to read this. Love is not Cantankerous – Love Seeks Understanding

Be a blessing not a brat. Be a joy not a jerk. Be a listener not a loud mouth. Be a peacemaker not a pain in the rear. Be safe not stubborn.

Let’s go straight to the Kendricks brothers (Love Dare):

“When under pressure love doesn’t turn sour. Minor problems don’t yield major reactions. A loving man will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and restraining his temper. A loving woman is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the prickly thorns. Ask yourself, ‘Am I a calming breeze or a storm waiting to happen?'”

“Why do people become irritable? There are two key reasons:

1. Stress – weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky.

Life is a marathon not a sprint. We must pace ourselves.”

Colossians 3:12-14 is a guide to helping one love through stress:

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts,kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

2. Selfishness – This is the deeper underlying issue that causes irritability.

“When you are irritable the heart of the problem is a problem of the heart. Jesus said ‘Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks'” (Matt. 12:34).

If you don’t want your words to negatively imprint on someone’s heart, or cause them confusion, then don’t say them because you are mad. They may forgive you, but hateful words may change their ability to feel you love them. It also may cause them to feel they are not the right person for you, or perhaps you don’t care enough to listen.

“Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule. Bitterness takes root when you respond in a judgmental way and refuse to work through your anger. A bitter person’s unresolved anger leaks out when he is provoked. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.” Kendricks

Challenge:

Choose to react to difficult situations with your partner with love rather than irritation.

When have you recently overreacted?

What was your real motivation behind your reaction?

What specific thing is your partner needing? What was their message?

Know that you aren’t perfect. And that is okay. Make a list of all the perfect people you know.

There aren’t any, and you are one of the imperfect ones, so know that your partner may need to tell you something, and it isn’t to break you down, but because you are 2 different people you are going to need different things and be hurt by different things.

Don’t take everything so personally.

Consider there may be truth in what they are saying, or at least it may be true to them. Instead of being irritated, be kind, humble, meek, compassionate…(Col. above)

“Some people are willing to put their life on the line and injure another person physically or emotionally to protect their ego and restore their injured self-esteem. Inflated egos are most vulnerable to the slightest pokes and scratches, which is a common infliction of defensive and confrontational people” Nadia Pershun, PhD

Let’s go to Dr. Barbara DeAngelis (marriage counselor) for some help on being too irritable with our partners. She says:

Marriage is ultimately the commitment to loving your partner and doing everything you can to make the relationship work.

If one partner refuses to face or discuss problems, and will not agree to any outside help in solving conflicts, they break the commitment in your relationship as much as if they had an affair. (Let that soak in a moment.) Yes, if you refuse to work through conflicts then you are damaging the intimacy as much as an affair does.

Perhaps they are scared; abused in childhood or previous relationship; they may have a wonderful, loving heart somewhere inside though. The fact remains that , unless he/she is willing to be an active participant in your partnership, there is no partnership. And you can’t make a relationship work alone.

I believe there are five commitments every relationship needs to survive and grow. These are commitments both partners should make:

  1. I am committed to learning everything I can about being a better person and a better mate, and I will do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.
  2. I am committed to being emotionally open to and with my partner by sharing my feelings.
  3. I am committed to being emotionally generous with my partner, not emotionally stingy, and will express my love and affection.
  4. I am committed to being honest with my partner and myself.
  5. I am committed to learning how to love my partner as much as he or she truly deserves to be loved. (And not be irritable and hurtful when they need me.)

Frankly, I don’t know how any relationship can be truly healthy without these commitments. Take Commitment #1, for instance, the one you and your partner are struggling with right now. If a partner isn’t committed to doing whatever it takes to make the relationship work, what’s the point of being in a relationship at all? Being committed to merely living in the same house with you and calling you a wife does not qualify as being a good husband. A good husband, or wife, fights for the marriage, and will try everything before giving up.

If you see issues as frustrations, and react angrily or with irritation, you may bleed your relationship to death. If your dog is hit by a car you will rush him to help to stop the bleeding. If your partner has a problem, rush to see what the issue is and strive to fix it.

More than anything, ask yourself…will my partner really want to be with me and feel loved if I act irritable every time they need me?

Kim Crawford

07.05.14

1 Comment

Love Challenge Day 5 “There is Never a Reason for Anyone to be Rude” Love IS NOT RUDE…

A good friend once told me “There is never a reason for anyone to be rude to you, Kim.” Wow, if only he would tell that to the rude people. I say Amen!

Rudeness is disrespectful and demeaning.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.” 1 Cor 13:4

Someone said the other day regarding opening doors for women: “A great woman may be capable of doing a certain thing for sure, but a great man will not let her.” Many accomplished, intelligent, talented women still love a gentleman who opens doors, walks them to the door, holds their hand when stepping off something, and never lets them lift heavy objects. It is respectful and thoughtful.

IT IS RUDE TO ALLOW A DOOR TO SLAM IN ANYONE’S FACE AND MEN, REALLY, DON’T WALK IN FRONT AND ALLOW A DOOR TO SLAM IN A WOMAN’S FACE.

Ladies, don’t belittle your man in front of others or talk to him like he is your child.

Neither gender should ever make fun of, or argue with the other, in front of people. It’s beyond rude. It’s hurtful and abusive. Being rude can actually be a control tactic. Control is abusive.

Rudeness can be about what you say, and what you don’t say also. Shutting someone out, or ghosting them, is also rude and controlling. Jesus said come unto me. He wasn’t rude, didn’t tease in a cruel way, didn’t belittle, and didn’t refuse to speak. He invited others to come to him for love and comfort.

Kendricks from “The Love Dare” states, “When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that’s more pleasant for his wife to be around. If a woman desires to love her husband, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort. The bottom line is genuine love minds its manners. Good manners express to your wife or husband, ‘I value you enough to exercise self-control around you. I want to be a person who’s a pleasure to be with. The more respectful and honorable your behavior, the more attractive and romantically appealing you become to your spouse.”

“There are two reasons why people are rude: ignorance and self-centerdness.”

Kendricks Three Guiding Rules for Etiquette in Relationships:

1.The Golden Rule – treat them the way you want to be treated. Luke 6:31

2.No double standards – Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to coworkers, your boss, your minister, etc. (or more)

3.Honor Requests – Think about what your spouse has asked you to do or not do. If you don’t know…ask.

Challenge: What has your spouse said would make them feel loved? Do that. What has your spouse said irritates or hurts them? Don’t do that.

Just Be Nice…Why wouldn’t you?

Kim Crawford

2.5.18 Revised

07.04.14

1 Comment

Love Challenge Day 4- Be thoughtful

You are the answer to every prayer I’ve offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don’t know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have.”
― Nicholas Sparks

Young Noah: So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.  – The Notebook

When people first fall in love they can’t stop thinking about one another. Can’t stop thinking what to do to impress this incredible person? After a while, life sets in and routines happen and comfortable becomes more comfortable. “A woman deeply longs for a man to be thoughtful. It is key to making her feel loved. When she speaks, a WISE man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply (or she says clearly). If however, she always has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her.” (Kendricks, The  Love Dare)

Ladies, men need thoughtfulness too! They may not need it to feel as secure as women, but they need it too. You shouldn’t be the only giver. You shouldn’t be the only receiver. It takes two. If both people are thinking of the other, treating their relationship like a ministry, how may I serve this person…win/win.

Thoughtfulness thinks before speaking. “The thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.” (Kendricks)

The challenge today is simply to be thoughtful:

Ask your loved one if there is anything you can do for them today. Call or text them throughout the day to let them know they are on your mind. If you live with them, actually go to the room they are in and ask if you can do anything for them, tell them you miss them, or hey, just wanted to be near you.

My cousin’s husband is the most thoughtful person I’ve ever known. He has written her a love note every single day of their entire marriage. Yes. Every single day. He had to buy her a trunk to keep them in. He is thoughtful in making sure she has something in her hand every day saying he loves her. Maybe your loved one wouldn’t appreciate a note. What is their love language? What makes them feel loved by you? Do that. You did it yesterday? Whatever you said and did yesterday is great for yesterday, but what did you do today? Be thoughtful today. We don’t know if we have tomorrow. Carpe diem.

Men, if all else fails and you can’t think of anything to say or do, then hey, borrow one of the amazing things Noah said to Allie in the Notebook. You can google it on that computer you have in your hand at all times. She won’t care that you stole it from Noah. It will be considered thoughtful that you thought to google it and say it to her because you were looking for romantic words. You will get a gold star for knowing Noah (Nicholas Sparks) is the expert on romantic words to go to for advice.

Thoughtfully,

Kim

2.4.18 revised

07.01.14

1 Comment

Love Challenge Day 3 – Giving Love

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ― Mother Teresa

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” ― Charles Dickens

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” ― Winston S. Churchill

Hopefully, everyone continued with the 2 tips from the last 2 days: Don’t say anything negative and an unexpected gesture/act of kindness…

Day 3 – LOVE IS NOT SELFISH

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.” Romans 12:10

Love is not selfish. Should we write this 100 times? Love is not selfish.

I don’t think I believe true love is possible if it is in the midst of selfishness. “Selfishness is like a disease that suffocates our capacity to love…Love beautifully finds its satisfaction in the welfare of others. Loving couples are bent on humbling themselves and taking good care of the other flawed human with whom they have chosen to share their lives. They understand that by getting married, they are giving themselves away and releasing the right to live the rest of their lives for themselves. It’s putting the happiness of their partner before their own.” (Kendrick, The Love Dare)

“Unselfish people are a perpetual delight. They make amazing friends and spouses. They are willing to set their own demands aside and lose themselves in the joy of loving, serving, and giving to another…Determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open.” (Kendrick)

Today’s Challenge:

Continue avoiding negative statements. Kendrick suggests buying something today that says “I was thinking about you today.” I add that it doesn’t have to be expensive. That’s right! A single flower speaks “I was thinking of you today” as much as a dozen. Another unselfish act…offer to watch a movie you know your loved one enjoys. Do a chore for them before they ask…clean out their car or unload the dishwasher perhaps. Little presents have grand messages of love. “It’s the thought that counts” is so true. Presents of the heart…words, gifts, listening to a song they enjoy, cuddling when you aren’t a cuddler, writing a love poem when you aren’t a poet, offering a massage, write a post about how awesome they are on FB, giving to them…unselfishness.

Givers love giving and will do it usually whether the other party gives or not. Isn’t that unfortunate though? Who deserves unselfish love more than an unselfish person? We are all selfish in our own ways, but there are certainly the givers and the takers of the world. Givers may be glad to give for quite some time, but often they empty so much love that their own love bank never receives deposits. They find one day they are not able to believe in the love of the taker any longer. Giving and love…the 2 cannot be torn apart.

Go…what are you waiting on? Go give!

Kim Crawford

02.02.18 revised

06.30.14

 

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Love Challenge Day 2 – Active Love, Do something that will be written on the tablet of your hearts.

“If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize  a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem. Kindness creates a blessing. Kindness thinks ahead then takes the FIRST step. When operating from kindness you are careful how you treat your spouse (loved one)…even if you need to say hard things. Helpfulness means you meet the needs of the moment. Willingness – kindness inspires you to be agreeable.” (Kendrick, The Love Dare)

Active Love Today –

Continue from yesterday in making sure you say nothing negative. Add to that the action of doing one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. pg. 7

Let’s go beyond an act of kindness that is EASY. Do something grand. Make a memory with your loved one today. Do something he/she will never forget, something they might write on a note and stick in their Bible, will tell the grandkids, will tell everyone about you when you pass away someday. Make today the day you take the first step of being extraordinary…loving like Christ. Dying to self. Why not fill the heart of another person with amazing love? God filled yours, let it pour into them.

If you haven’t read Redeeming Love, a fictional story based on Hosea and Gomer in the Bible, then read it. Men, you too! I know a doctor that said it changed his life. This book…based on Biblical example…is the kind of love men are to have for women. Men, women are a gift for you from God. After God made Adam, He said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, therefore He created Eve for Adam. Think about that. When you have something you treasure, how do you treat it? You take extra special care to preserve it for your whole life and to leave it to your kids. The greatest gift you will leave for your children is to teach them God’s love, and the best way you do that is by showing them how to love your spouse the way God loves you. It is possible to have enduring, lasting, beautiful love. You just have to accept the gift and cherish it. From Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers:

 

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32)

“Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart” (Proverbs 3:3).

Take the first step today. Do something kind. Do something kind and amazing! Do something today that will be written on the tablet of your hearts!

Go love!

Kim Crawford

revised 2.2.18

6.29.14